You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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