they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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