We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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