Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
4 words: hood of his car
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
