i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
