: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
