Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
