after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
