I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
