dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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