Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have aggressive nipples.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
