Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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