i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
