Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
