You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
