no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
