woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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