we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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