i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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