I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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