I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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