I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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