sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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