You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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