i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
