the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize