Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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