Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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