the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize