It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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