Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
