I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
