i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
