sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
