And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Damn victory sex feels great
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize