waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was like eating out sand paper
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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