The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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