The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
