i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
