Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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