Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
