I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
