I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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