Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
