Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
