can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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