So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
