I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
