Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
this is an emotional support booty call
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
