she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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