I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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