she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
