the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
