My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
