apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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