so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
