i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the day after is always just damage control
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
