now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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