I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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