plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
