i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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