why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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