The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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