he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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