I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
