Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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