a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
