Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
