Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
