No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
