I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
