why didn't you poke me back
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
