someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
